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What If Reality Were Largely Negotiable?

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Life can be much broader once you discover one simple fact;

Everything around you that you call life was made up by people that were no smarter than you. You can change it, you can influence it….Once you learn that, you’ll never be the same again.

Steve Jobs

Right now there’s a lot that feels like it’s on top of us. There’s no getting away from the reality of COVID and there are precautions that we all are taking to minimize the threat. It is a real virus, causing real societal upheaval, suffering, and loss of life. I see the reality and operate around what I can change – my behavior and my perspective. I tune into where my power lies in the situation and operate from that place.

So let’s look a little closer at how much power we actually have in any situation. Let’s start with a simple exercise. Take a moment to sit quietly and bring to mind anything you’d like to have, do, or be that you feel is “impossible”. The sky is the limit! Now, as each thing comes into your mind, hold it there, pause, and say to yourself – “Why not?” “Why is this impossible?”

Wait for the reply – Let it unfold. Listen for all the reasons that appear, telling you why you can’t have, do, or be whatever it is you want. Now, ask yourself this question;

Who says I can’t?”

I’ll let you sit with that one.

I typically coach about 25 hours a week and I hear a lot of “I can’t”. I’m speaking to people who possess infinite powers of creativity and massive potential (just like you do) but so often we are slow to see how we lock that all away with “I can’t” . I’m speaking to Lions and Lionesses who have trapped themselves in paper cages. It’s very common because it’s pretty hard to grow up without having been conditioned to believe a lot of unhelpful stuff. As we take over responsibility for our own continuous growth and learning as we mature it’s pretty important to take a look at what we need to unlearn. Do any of these sound familiar?

  • Money doesn’t grow on trees
  • Nobody likes a show-off
  • Change is hard
  • Life is hard
  • Art will never pay the bills
  • Find a good pensionable job
  • Keep your head down
  • You need to have money to make money

The list may seem endless. Once you uncover one it may lead to another, and another, and another. I find it helpful to get curious around any of these beliefs where they slow me down or threaten to stop me along my path. Recently I was confronting my thoughts on “Change Is Hard” and undertook a journalling exercise to uncover what it was about change that sat as an obstacle for me between where I am and where I want to go. Considering that I’ve moved so often – I’m Irish and lived and worked in the UK for years and then 6 years ago moved to the US (Florida) before again moving 2 years later to Santa Fe in New Mexico – how could I find change hard? I thought I’d conquered the change thing…

After spending several hours (yes hours!) wrestling with this in the form of a structured journalling exercise, the answer hit me HARD! For me I found the root of the fear-based belief. I found change fearful and hard because the major change in my childhood happened when my parents took me aside one day after school when I was a teenager to have a chat with me. We went into the front room and sat down and my father told me he had cancer. Boom! My life changed. Terminal cancer in a parent was my change and it fundamentally altered how I viewed change and I hadn’t realized it. For me change quite literally was associated with death.

My father has been dead over 15 years now and it took me until very recently to realize the unconnected on-going impact that his diagnosis had for me. Sometimes just seeing the root is enough. For me that insight gave me a lot of release from my “Change Is Hard” story. I realized how energetically charged that belief was based on this major change from my childhood and, once acknowledged and seen, I could more easily choose a different perspective, and take action and move forward more confidently in times of uncertainty and change.

We create our reality based on what we are prepared to believe. If I believe that change is hard, that it’s very difficult to make money, that working a “safe” job you find uninspiring is necessary to provide financial security, or any other limiting belief – then I will take actions that confirm those beliefs. Whatever you believe and speak you create. I firmly believe that we live into our language. What are you saying to yourself – out loud and inside your head?

If you want to create a different reality externally, you must first go within and do a little clear-out and plant the seeds to allow you to flourish.

Is it hard?

That’s a trick question!

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